i hate being vulnerable to the influence of others. it drives me insane. i hate that i can’t say no and that I’m so easily convinced. I hate that I’m not going to the school i want or going to play soccer in college. i hate hate hate it all. it is the worst

I feel like I’m screaming at the top of my lungs for help and no one can hear me. 

I feel like reality just slapped me in the face with a 2 by 4. Life is so short and i don’t want to look back for one second and realize that I’m not happy. I want to feel that happiness again. I want to wake up and know that I’m something my parents can be proud of. I want to know that I’m making the right choices, and that someone is looking forward to seeing me as much as i am looking forward to seeing them. I want some one to care. I want to know that no matter what happens I will have someone there to back me up. Ya know? I feel so separated and alone and so insanely scared that time is running out. I don’t want to miss one minute of life. I feel like life is screaming by past me and I’m sleeping through it, not living up one thing. I want to not feel this sad depressed gross lonely feeling. Give that to me.